I'll take 2

Shower

John Yoo set to music

Vin Diagram

Stupidity

There's a zoo in Argentina that allows visitors to HOLY CRAP ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

AutoTune Makes Everything Better

Swine Flu

The Irony of Satire

It's not entirely surprising that conservatives don't recognize satire when they see it, but c'mon guys - he's on COMEDY CENTRAL.

Almost as smart as a dog

Mutts

Swine-flu outbreak linked to factory farms?

Swine-flu outbreak linked to Smithfield factory farms. Lots of details to be confirmed, but interesting reading.

She’s Got Me Dancing

The Grilled Cheese Invitational

So, you think you can grill cheese?

Pit Bull Stops Armed Robbery

Shop owner on dog: "I know for a fact he saved our lives"

ESPN E:60 Vick-Tims Full Story Streaming Video!

Doomed dogs get on the rescue wagon to other shelters

You know, for a newspaper that caters to a clientele who like colorful graphs, USA Today's coverage of animal-related issues is pretty darn good. Today's article on animal rescue transport is a very good primer.

If you'd like to get involved in rescue transport, here are some easy ways to get started, and you don't have to drive thousands of miles either - even a 50 mile journey can make a huge difference, and there are animals in need of transport all over the country.

Camry?

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GPS Pet Locator

The SpotLight GPS dog collar looks very cool and not outrageously expensive - reportedly $250 for the device plus an unknown subscription fee for the service. If you regularly transport ferals or other high-flight-risk dogs, this thing looks like a slam dunk.

Peapod Car

Here's why companies like Chrysler are dying: they've just introduced the Peapod Car, a small electric car that tops out at 25mph - and costs $12,500. DOING IT WRONG. You cannot achieve economy of scale by producing expensive and impractical toys. Doing it better: check out Zero Motorcycles, who are producing almost reasonably priced vehicles that are actually useful in the real world - and getting some great writeups in the bike mags. Doing it right? For all-electric, no one, yet.

freaky food fun

Scary lookin' and awesome.

Helmsley estate trustees betray her wishes

When Leona Helmsley died in 2007 her will left her entire $5B - $8B fortune to dog related charities. However, a court decided that the trustees of her will had sole discretion over how her fortune was to be divided. Today it was announced that they will be giving a comparatively paltry $1M to dogs divided among 10 charities. Oh well.

Vick Dogs on ESPN Tonight

About time

Sounds interesting - and it's about time!

Heroic Pit Bulls - Neatorama

Heroic Pit Bulls - great article!

Thanks, Kat!

Pit Bull Takes Down Armed Robber

But can he crossfade?

Yes or no?

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Hi there

Nice Mullet

Spoiler Fail

DUI Stop, Reno 911

Comment Spam

Had to turn on the captcha due to a recent avalanche of comment spam. Sorry all.

2M4M

Champions

BA-K-47

Yes, it's a full-size AK-47 made of bacon.

Hard to Talk

Best Olbermann joke: "Teabaggers don't like earmarks, you know."

4 month old puppy saves 2 year old toddler

Puppy helps save lost toddler

Vicktory Dogs Playing - Best Friends

John Garcia on Ellen

That's the same way I start my day!

Products for People Who Don't Like Their Dogs

Visit their fantastic Engrish website here!

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The Obama puppy: The breeder tells the tale

It took the misstep of a Vice President and the resources of the President and a Senator, but it looks like the Obama family may have located that near-mythical beast: the ethical breeder. A very good interview with a person who had been previously thought extinct.

For those of us without research staffs looking for a family pet, there are hundreds of thousands for adoption at your fingertips (including about 25% purebreds!) - most with no ethics screening required!

Glenn Beck Comedy Tour Announced

Why would anyone go see the Glenn Beck comedy tour when you can see his comedy show on Fox for free?

Demi in Des Moines?

Op-Ed Columnist - Demi in Des Moines?

I remember spotting Des Moines on my touring schedule years ago for the first time and dreading having to spend so much time in a hick town. I was bowled over by how cool it was. I'd like to go back.

Easter

If you forgot...

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$1M Mo. animal shelter makeover never happened

ZooToo's $1M animal shelter makeover contest: just a new spin on a 419 scam?

Pibbles in Vegas

Nathan Winograd offers a thought provoking analysis of the HSUS Pit Bull summit. I'm inclined to agree with one of his essential points: given their history and the non-specific nature of the language they agreed to, the HSUS is going to have to prove through their actions that they mean what they say. I am hopeful, but very skeptical.

Wasted My Time

Need a Bigger Van

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Sunbathing

Dolittler: Peep medicine

Peep medicine

Blitz the pit bull stops abduction

Blitz the pit bull stops abduction attempt

Especially Vitter

Yes.

An artist's rendering from the upcoming Jerry Springer Palin/Johnston smackdown

How Long Could You Last On A Gay Pirate Ship?

Quiz is NSFW, but you probably figured that out.

Spongebob Got Back

Unforgettable is Right

Because Dogs Rule

Hey, Abby Elliott made it into a sketch!

I keep on walking but I never get anywhere...

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revenge

Jazz Dancer

Welcome to Florida

From the only state with its own Fark category!

Lost Pop-Tarts

[via]

Run-DMC is Finally In the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame

Shirl Bernheim

The actress Shirley (Shirl) Bernheim passed away on March 29 at the age of 87.

I met Shirl when I was working on The Tale of the Allergist's Wife on Broadway, where she played the foul-mouthed mother, Frieda. She was never afraid to speak her mind, was extremely funny, and had lots of great showbiz stories she loved to tell. She was the main reason I had a great time on that show. Her career spanned many decades and she worked in film, television and theatre. She was a fantastically talented actress and a warmhearted and kind person, and I will miss her.

Obama Jokes

Pulp Nonfiction

The US Government will pay out as much as $8 billion to paper companies who are manipulating an obscure tax credit.

Peru farmer hospitalized with eight-day erection

With bonus surgery photo!

PETA under fire

Mainstream news organizations are beginning to realize that there's a story here.

Hallelujah

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James Earl Jones recites the alphabet

Where is Rick Moranis?

NSFW, like Dark Helmet himself.

ChaCha

Too lazy to Google? Try ChaCha. Who the hell names these things?

Gay Stormtroopers Hate the G20

Westboro Baptist Church vs. Frat Boys

News From LA

Ed Boks? Almost gone.

"It's a Great Big Universe, and We're All Really Puny"

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PETA at the Steakhouse

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Footloose Geek

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Thought of the Day

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

-Groucho Marx

Stupid Pet Tricks -or- Why I Recently Added a Snare Pole To My Truck

This past Saturday I woke up early because a neighbor was knocking on my door. He needed to use my phone - you see, he and his girlfriend have no phone, land line or cell. They frequently knock on my door looking for something, usually money or dog food. I grabbed my cell and handed it to him and he said he'd be right back. By the time he'd returned I was awake enough to ask him what was going on, and he said the neighbor next door's dog had gotten out again and he was trying to reach them.

This is bad news. My next door neighbors have four ill-behaved dogs, but one of them is a large lab mix who is very aggressive towards strangers and has quite the bite record. We rarely see him as they almost never take him out of the house, but they'd put him in a backyard pen in the morning and then gone to work, and he'd jumped the fence and escaped the pen. Bad.

For the moment, he was on the other side of the chain-link fence that divides the two properties. I grabbed my treat pouch off of the wall where my leashes hang and went out to try to make friends, which he wasn't too interested in. What he was interested in, mostly, was chewing through the fence to tear my face off. I quickly ran through the treats in my pouch - I was going to need reinforcements. I headed back inside to grab something higher-value, and in a moment of optimism also threw a leash over my shoulder.

When I came back outside he'd gone to the unfenced front of his property and was growling at some kids riding bikes down the street. I've seen him charge people walking by before, and it's not pretty, particularly when he's feeling bitey. No one had been able to reach his owners on the phone, so I called the cops and then tried to get the dog's attention. I was successful and he headed down my driveway towards me as I hopped into the bed of my pickup truck and distracted him by tossing him some delicious treats.

I ran through quite a few treats keeping him occupied and I was concerned about running out, so I used my leash as a makeshift slip-lead and threw a lasso over his head - got him! He was on the ground, I was safe in the bed of the truck, so now all we needed was for animal control to show up. He wasn't too happy about being leashed, but I still had some food and could keep him distracted. I'm accustomed to dealing with difficult dogs, but at work we have people to help, protective clothing, and muzzles - I'd dressed so quickly when I heard the knock on the door that the most protection I had was my sweatpants.

As it turns out, the town's animal control officer was busy on a call, so another cop showed up - who knew the owners and the dog, as he'd been bit by this dog during a similar previous incident. He wanted nothing to do with the situation and didn't have any equipment with him that would be remotely helpful, so he said he would go across town to where the dog's owners worked and get them. Uh, OK. I'll just stay here with the bitey beast and a rapidly-dwindling food supply.

A minute or two after he pulled away, I had an idea - I asked my neighbor to go to their front door and see if it was unlocked, which it was. I tossed a couple of treats on the ground and climbed down from the bed of the truck, stiff-arming the leash so the dog, hopefully, couldn't bite me. Everything was going pretty well until we crossed from my property to his, at which point he decided he was no longer interested in the distracting treats and was going to focus his full attention on biting me. Fortunately, it was only a few more steps to the front door, and I managed to keep his head away from my body and throw him through the front door into his house.

The cop turned up again a few minutes later with the frantic neighbor in tow. Verbal warning. Bleah. Did I mention this is not the first time this has happened?

The second incident of the week was a little less frustrating and a little more amusing. As I was turning off the main road through town to get to a friend's house, a goat wandered across the road and through the corner gas station. Surprisingly, I realized that I had a pretty good idea where the goat had come from - my friend's next door neighbor has a few farm animals in the backyard. I pulled my truck into the gas station, dug in my glove compartment for a spare leash, and took off in pursuit of the goat who was now running up the sidewalk alongside the town's main road. I called my friend and asked her to go next door and tell her neighbor that their goat was loose and get them over where I was, as I know nothing about goats except that it probably hurts to be bit by one and if a car hit him, it wouldn't be pretty.

She went next door and found that only two kids were home, somewhere around 6 and 8 years old. One of them, who had the assignment of taking care of the animals, had forgot to latch a gate behind him. She also found a pig wandering their front yard. She and the kids corralled the pig and led him back to the pen, but as for the goat - I was on my own.

I was following him from a bit of a distance so he wouldn't flip out and run, and he eventually turned into a hotel parking lot, where he gave a heck of a surprise to three college age guys sitting outside their room drinking beer. He came out from behind a car, stared at them, then took off. I quickly explained what was going on and they joined the chase. The goat wandered over to a corner of the parking lot where he had walls on two sides of him and we closed in, surrounding him. One of the boys bear-hugged his neck, two passers-by took him by the horns, and I wrestled a leash over his head.

I thanked all the participants for their help and walked the goat the two blocks back to his home. It was easier than I thought, not unlike walking a stubborn dog - though I still kept a good grip on the leash near his head so he wouldn't be able to bite me. As I got to the driveway, the kids' mom pulled up in her car and led me to the pen, where the goat could rejoin the pig and his other buddies.

Just another day in Utah.

Enough with the leashes: I have two new items that will now live in my truck full-time, a snare pole and bite gloves.

Dog Hero!

Pit Bull Saves His Family From Intruder

Church mice

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